The brace stays for another month. Angry, resentful, dissapointed.
It's really not such a big deal, I don't know why I'm so upset. Besides the fact that putting Avery in the awful brace is the worst part of my day, it's really not that bad. She doesn't know any difference because she's worn it for ten of her twelve weeks on earth. I know the difference and I truly hate it.
After our doc appointment today we went to the post office. They are always doing trainings there with students from the school for the blind down the street. Today there was a little girl, about ten years old, learning to find her way into the post office with the assistance of a guide. I felt so guilty seeing this. This girl won't experience a fraction of the things Avery will in her lifetime, and I feel like our life is a tragedy. I know most people with disabilities do not let it define them, if I learned anything from my last job it is that lesson alone! I also know that Avery's problems are only temporary and are treatable. Still, it feels very different when it's your child and their problems are out of your control. I can't do anything to speed this process up nor can I make it go away. It also makes me fearful to have another baby. So much can go wrong. I have not handled Avery's issues well, I don't think I could handle having a child with more complications.
I have no right to be so upset about this. Everything is going to be fine and she is a very happy girl. She may reach some of her developmental milestones a bit later than average, she has a closet full of wasted clothes that she will never wear, and she has to wear a grungy brace everyday. Other than that her life is awesome and I'm reassured of that every time she gives me a huge smile. If only mommy could have that outlook on life....working on it.
No Spend Novel
5 years ago
You (and I) have MUCH to be thankful for. We have healthy, healthy babies! Keep your head up! Things are looking up! She's almost done!
ReplyDeleteYou DO have a right to be upset, sad, resentful, etc. Do not feel guilty because other people have had it worse. We can count our blessings and try not to take things for granted, but it still hurts to see our children suffer, and it is okay to be sad about things that make our daily lives more difficult for US. Comparing might be a good way to put our own lives in perspective, but don't let the guilt take you over. You have had to experience certain hardships that many people couldn't handle as well as you have. You have every right to complain now and again! That being said, I am sorry to hear that she will need the brace for another month. She will pull through like a champ, and so will you. Just keep up the good work, mama. As for more children...it will always be scary. If you actually think about how many things can go wrong during a pregnancy, it is VERY frightening. I have been lucky to have two perfect pregnancies, two perfect deliveries, and so far, two perfect babies. However, I'm still terrified because I feel that I don't deserve to keep getting this lucky. But, whatever happens with my current or future children, I know that God will not give me more than I can handle, and that each child (no matter what disabilities they might have) is a blessing!
ReplyDeleteI agree...you do have a right to be upset but you are an amazing mother and handling it better than I could imagine! Avery has an amazing life and is such a happy baby that will not remember this time at all. This period will be over before you know it and Avery will be moving and grooving in no time!;)
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