The brace stays for another month. Angry, resentful, dissapointed.
It's really not such a big deal, I don't know why I'm so upset. Besides the fact that putting Avery in the awful brace is the worst part of my day, it's really not that bad. She doesn't know any difference because she's worn it for ten of her twelve weeks on earth. I know the difference and I truly hate it.
After our doc appointment today we went to the post office. They are always doing trainings there with students from the school for the blind down the street. Today there was a little girl, about ten years old, learning to find her way into the post office with the assistance of a guide. I felt so guilty seeing this. This girl won't experience a fraction of the things Avery will in her lifetime, and I feel like our life is a tragedy. I know most people with disabilities do not let it define them, if I learned anything from my last job it is that lesson alone! I also know that Avery's problems are only temporary and are treatable. Still, it feels very different when it's your child and their problems are out of your control. I can't do anything to speed this process up nor can I make it go away. It also makes me fearful to have another baby. So much can go wrong. I have not handled Avery's issues well, I don't think I could handle having a child with more complications.
I have no right to be so upset about this. Everything is going to be fine and she is a very happy girl. She may reach some of her developmental milestones a bit later than average, she has a closet full of wasted clothes that she will never wear, and she has to wear a grungy brace everyday. Other than that her life is awesome and I'm reassured of that every time she gives me a huge smile. If only mommy could have that outlook on life....working on it.
Back in the game and some organization
10 months ago